Colonel Jeyam Achieves Eelam
[TamilNet, Thursday, 23 April 2009, 01:00 GMT]
BREAKING NEWS! – More Tragedy in the Tamil Homeland as we have just heard that long time confidante and brown-nosing high ranking Nothern commander Colonel Jeyam has suddenly passed away from an unfortunate sexual misadventure.
Sinhala government websites and propaganda news sources are Falsely Reporting that Jeyam was killed in action by their so-called valiant soldiers as Jeyam and his men were holding 100,000 willing Shrapnel Sponges at Gun Point but in fact Jeyam was no where near the Shrapnel Sponges when he died, in fact the LTTE were not doing anything to our 100% willing Volunteer Shrapnel Sponges, it is the Sinhala Propaganda trying to make it look like they were rescuing the Shrapnel Sponges but in fact they were Stealing them from us.
Col. Jeyam did in fact die of a slight mishap, as he was crushed to death under the weight of Soosai’s Sister’s body while he attempted to comfort her in her grieving for the loss of her husband: Colonel Ramesh. Colonel Ramesh is Colonel Soosai’s brother-in-law and was injured badly a few months ago.
He has since disappeared from the battlefield leaving the grieving porker sister all alone. Colonel Jeyam being the really nice guy Hero that he is tried to comfort the beautiful voluptuous Eelam Queen but got caught under her 800lb crushing weight as she rolled over on the bed unaware that Jeyam was right next to her. Unable to gnaw his arm off as a coyote would do to free himself from a trapper’s snare Jeyam succumbed to his fate of being steamrolled to death under the enormous weight.
Sinhala websites are claiming that this is all false because the body of Jeyam looks like it was run over by a Tank, but infact it was only Soosai’s sister’s body that caused such mutilation. Eelam Coroners are performing an extensive autopsy to try and piece together Col. Jeyam’s body but are having a hard time identifying the parts due to the severity of the mutilation. We think they will have made some progress by the end of the week.
While Sinhala forces and racist Buddhist monks are celebrating the demise of this LTTE Hero many of our Smart Kazhuthai Tamils of the Diaspora are mourning this sad event.
Daya Master and George Shamelessly Surrender; Kalandan and Vijayan Gloriously Achieve Eelam in the Sky
TamilNet is embarrassed to report that Daya Master and George Anna have surrendered to the Sinhaloids. But on a more honorable note, Kalandan and Vijayan died like true Eelam warriors, with bullets in their back while they were making the traditional Eelam dash to their bunkers.
Daya Master (former head of Tamil Eelam’s propaganda/punakku department) and George (former English translator of SP Thamilchelvan) most disgracefully deserted their ranks and chose to give themselves up to the horrors of Sinhaloid hands. They are a disgrace to the glorious Eelam martial tradition of dying with one’s Bata slippers on and will no longer be regarded as true Tamils. It seems that Daya Master even dragged his family along, thus making it impossible for the indomitable LTTE to even recruit one of his children into our invincible forces.
On the other side of the coin, area leaders Kalandan and Vijayan were viciously GENOCIDED™ by the Sinhaloids who are now running rampant in and around the safe zone, abducting our hapless shrapnel sponges at will. At least they had the good fortune to die like true Eelamistani warriors by getting peppered with lead while running the Eelam marathon™. May their rotting carcasses enrich the soil of the Donkey Tamil homeland!