[TamilNet, Wednesday, 18 February 2009, 01:30 GMT]
A 26-year-old Genius diASSpora Eezham Tamil from UK has self-immolated himself to death in front of the United Nations Office at Geneva (UNOG) in Switzerland last Thursday night around 8:20 p.m., according to police spokesman Eric Grandgean. The Crispy Eelamian had identified himself as Murukathasan in a letter left behind by him 10 meters away from the scene, the Police officer said when contacted by a Tamil journalist in Switzerland on Friday.
The copy of the letter in English and Tamil, received by Tamil journalists, with the identical name, said: "I humbly offer my White masters my flame broiled corpse as a mouth watering Barbeque treat in exchange that you intervene in Sri Lanka and save the LTTE from Militarily being destroyed by the Racist Sinhala Government.”
"Till this moment the 100% unexaggerated GENOCIDE™ activities against the Eelamazoid peoples by the Racist Homophobic Sinhala government is silently accepted by the International Community by helping Sinhala state terrorism, and not allowing we totally Non-Communalist and really Clever and Cunning and totally non-Whiney Eelamish people to have our Undisputed, God given, and Entitled to Mono-Ethnic homeland " the letter said.
The Police were trying to trace the family and establish his full identity and prevent the stray dogs from taking bites out of his bacon-crispy corpse.
The act of self-immolation is a very old tradition among the really Really Smartest of Eelamish people, and has dated back to over 30 years when Eelamish people showed their solidarity with Hon. V. Pirapaharan, by taking their own lives to help achieve Eelam. Most times the really smart performer is judged by his fellow Eelamazoid brethren and scored for his technique and overall performance. The current act by Murukathasan was witnessed by three individuals and police was on the spot when Murukathasan died.
The witnesses said that his performance was very good but the finale was of mediocre stature, they each gave a rating of 7, 8, 8 giving Murukathasan an overall score of 23 out of a possible 30. A very good score by any standard, however not quite enough to qualify him for a Gold Medal in Eelam.
The people of Eelam send their heartfelt gratitude to Murukathasan who will be undoubtedly remembered for another thousand years by Every Tamil in the World! - Just like all those who have given their lives for the totally achievable goal of a Tamil only State. We encourage other Really Smart DiASSpora Tamils to follow in the footsteps (or backdraft) of Murukathasan.
The more of we really Smart Tamilstinians self-Immolate the Greater Chance of Eelam happening very soon! To help our Extremely Smart brothers and sisters figure it out, we have included Self Immolation instructions, and if you hurry we have included a discount coupon on Gasoline. The Coupon can be photocopied and used as many times as you like*, Please pass this on to your Really Smart Tamilish friends and Family.
* Only One coupon per person please.