[TamilNet, Monday, 26 January 2009, 01:50 GMT]
The LTTE officially launched its long awaited Great Counter-attack™ on Saturday by nobly blowing up the bund of Kalamadukulam tank and DROWNING 1 000 000 Sinhaloids who were all having a picnic near the bund. To celebrate it, we tactically withdrew® from our last totally worthless insignificant ghost town of Mullaitivu on Sunday.
As usual, the 150% non-cowardly Tigers chose not face the SLA in battle because we all know that it will result in a bloodbath of homophobes. So the Tigers mercifully decided to blow up the bund and flood all the Tamil areas, beautifully flooding paddy fields and creating a breeding ground for cholera and other water-borne diseases which will kill ONLY the Sinhaloids and NOT the Tamil civilians there.
The Sea Tigers then rode the 50-metre high waves and launched a marine assault on the Sinhaloid army with great success. This is the first time in history that a marine force has used boats on land! It is another testament to We Tamil ingenuity! Our totally credible sources state that at least 1,000,000 Sinhaloids were killed in this much anticipated Counter-attack™ and 5,000,000 were taken prisoner. Not only that, but the LTTE continued its Great Counter-attack™ by marching towards Kilinochchi and fighting has been reported in Jaffna too.
Military sources say that the Vishvamadhu tank has also been blown up, drowning another half a million Sinhaloids. The 57th and 58th Divisions are totally bogged down by these man-made tsunamis. Contact has been lost with more than 10,000,000 troops, presumed drowned. The LTTE has already taken possession of 2,500,000 SLA dead. Two SLAF Kfirs and Ten 3-Man Migs were also victims of the floods.
Meanwhile, Douglas Devananda was killed and Gotabhaya Rajapakse was injured by one of our liberation bombers. We have reliably learnt that the banks of Beira Lake have also been bombed and this has caused mass flooding into the President’s House and HQ’s of the SLDF. WAITING FOR THE OFFICIAL REPORT FROM WANNI, TAMIL EELAM FOR MORE NEWS.
Our donkey diASSpora supporters once again proved that they are totally intelligent and free-thinking on hearing this totally non-fictitious news. They have begun sending in more donations to Thalaivar’s personal bank account while achieving Eelam in their pants in orgasmic spasm after spasm.
To celebrate this great victory, the LTTE decided to tactically withdraw® from Mullaitivu and generously allow the 59th Division of the Moda Sinhala Army to enter. This is obviously not another defeat because the Sinhaloid Defense Forces are now almost totally destroyed thanks to the totally effective bund blasts. It’s just another marathon We Eelam Tamils do because we’re so good at it. The fact that this latest marathon has occurred on the 11th anniversary of the bombing of the Temple of the Tooth in Kandy is totally NOT karma! The LTTE has totally NOT got a leg to stand on because our ever loving Tamil civilians will always be there for us.
We here at TamilNet will have more on the Mullaitivu marathon soon. In the meantime, we would like to remind our readers that the bund blast is absolutely NOT a cheap publicity stunt to make you send in more of your janitor donations, but the unadulterated TRUTH®! Let no one tell you that the LTTE is being grinded to a military defeat! We are WINNING! Please continue sending your toilet cleaner wages to us so we can continue to successfully achieve Eelam! Eelam is just around the corner and will be achieved soon! Just Wait and See™.