[TamilNet, Friday, 02 January 2009, 12:05 GMT]
TamilNet once again regrets to inform our totally well-informed readers that the Hurricane SLDF- which is totally due to Mother Nature and NOT the Sri Lankan Defence Forces- was most cunningly used by the actual SLDF to stealthily approach and KISS the former capital of Tamil Eelam!
Clarification
But, dear readers, here we must make an urgent clarification. The pro-GoSL and world media is trumpeting the ‘most glorious military capture’ of Kilinochchi, but it is totally NOT the case! While Hurricane SLDF was raging outside the city, the immortal Sun God had already decided that the red hot climate was too unhealthy for his precious wellbeing. Thus the capital of Eelam was shifted to Tharmapuram. Everybody knows where Tharmapuram is.
Kilinochchi is now just a ghost town with no importance to Tamil Eelam whatsoever, just like Mavil Aru, Muttur, Trinco, Sampur, Thoppigala, Mannar, Pooneryn, Paranthan and the rest. The fact that the LTTE had their military, political, intelligence and police HQ’s as well as the major Tamil Eelam hospitals and courts in Kilinochchi underscores just how useless Kilinochchi was to the LTTE.
The reason for the switching of capitals is because Thalaivar, being a Karayyar fellow from the coast, missed the bracing sea breezes and decided a change of scenery for his bunker was in order before the eye of Hurricane SLDF bore over his bunker and 3-storey luxury mansion in Kilinochchi, built with the kind contributions from YOU, our loyal DONKEY diASSpora toilet cleaners and janitors.
When Hurricane SLDF Struck
The racist homophobic GoSL was able to take Kilinochchi only because of nature’s fury (ie, Hurricane SLDF). This supremely powerful hurricane had been brewing for sometime since the CFA was signed and gathered strength in around April 2006 when one of our vagina bombers narrowly missed blowing up General Fonseka. When we forgot to turn the taps on in Mavil Aru, the first gusts of Hurricane SLDF were noticed by the LTTE. The racist homophobic Sinhaloid war machine then took advantage of the situation and launched their GENOCIDAL™ war against We Tamils, a war which they are actually still losing.
In Kilinochchi, it was the hurricane and the Sinhaloids that destroyed the water tower and all those civilian buildings. It was absolutely NOT the tactically withdrawing® LTTE who did it out of spite! We will never harm the Tamil civilians because we love them deeply, as we have proven so many times over the decades.
The fallout from Kilinochchi
Hordes of racist homophobic Sinhaloids, Muslamian vermin and even a few anti-LTTE Tamilian traitors lit firecrackers and danced in the streets of Sri Lanka on hearing the news. Some of them most GENOCIDICALLY™ burnt effigies of Thalaivar, foolishly thinking that the invincible LTTE will soon be defeated. Media networks and websites all over the world relayed the news that Kilinochchi had ‘collapsed’ in prime time broadcasts over and over again.
But the LTTE is in no way weakened by our tactical withdrawal® from Kilinochchi. Thousands of our cadres escaped Kilinochchi, most of whom went horizontally marching to Eelam in the sky while a few did the Tamil Eelam marathon to Mullaitivu. No LTTE cadres were killed at all. Thalaivar is very happy that the Sinhaloids have taken control of such a useless town. He is so happy that he has ordered Bhanu and the other top LTTE commanders in Kilinochchi to never talk to him again in a most kind radio message.
In fact, we are now even stronger, and our 5000-odd child soldiers, grandmas and totally non-conscripted volunteers are more than ready to take on the measly 200,000+ Sinhaloid forces who have completely surrounded us in our one remaining district of Mullaitivu.
The LTTE’s Mighty Response
A vagina bomber achieved Eelam in the sky near the SLAF HQ in Colombo shortly after the Sinhala Overlord Mahinda Rajapakse announced the ‘liberation’ of Kilinochchi. This is 198% proof that the LTTE is totally NOT getting desperate! And 24 hours later our Supper Educated Tamils exploded a car bomb in the heart of Colombo.
These are great victories compared to the trifle of the Sinhaloids gaining Kilinochchi. We are sure that it will make the Sinhaloids vacate the former capital of Tamil Eelam and hand it back to us! As our fellow DONKEYS Vaiko and Nedumoron said, this is totally not the end for the LTTE!
In a special mention, we would like to thank our dear friends at Sirasa for reporting on this devastating bomb blast without giving priority to our unfortunate situation in Kilinochchi. A friend in need is a friend indeed!
The Sinhaloids will now undoubtedly carry out searches of Tamils in GoSL-controlled areas under the pretext of searching for covert members of the LTTE, but this is obviously NATIONAL SECURITY GENOCIDE™ and we appeal to our friendly NGO’s and media networks (like jolly old Sirasa) to expose it as such.
Memorable Quotes
We would like to wrap things up by echoing a few great pearls of wisdom uttered by many a DONKEY before Hurricane SLDF struck to wreak havoc on Kilinochchi.
“The Sinhalese army is facing heavy loss of lives in their fight for Kilinochchi. The Tigers are using new strategies and techniques to protect Kilinochchi”- LTTE Peace Dove P. Nadesan.
“No end is in sight to Asia’s longest running conflict”- Countless military experts worldwide, especially on our friendly network BBC.
“The LTTE is invincible! Eelam is just around the corner and will be achieved soon! We will send 150,000 bodybags to Colombo! The LTTE will attack Colombo! Just wait and see™!”- YOU, our ever loving DONKEY diASSpora members.
And finally, this one from Soorya Thevan himself takes the gong for joke of the century, showing just how much We Tamils celebrate our sense of humour:
“Capturing Kilinochchi is just a daydream of Rajapakse”- V. Prabhakaran aka Soorya Thevan aka Thalaivar a
ka DONKEY-in-Chief
Conclusion
Needless to say, the LTTE will soon launch a massive counter-attack which our diASSpora DONKEYS have all been waiting for since Mavil Aru in 2006. Eelam will soon be achieved and the war brought to Colombo! JUST WAIT AND SEE™!!! While you’re waiting, you should take a look back at the last 25 and half years of war. Ask yourself, was almost achieving Eelam for almost 3 decades worth it? Was worshipping one man as a Sun God a sensible thing to do? And finally, ask yourself, ‘Is Eelam there yet?’
For DONKEYS like us, TOTALLY!