[TamilNet, Saturday, 20 December 2008, 01:55 GMT]
In a tragic turn of events 2 of our area leaders were slain today in a sneaky sniper attack by cowardly Sinhala soldiers. LTTE radio communication had confirmed the death of the two LTTE area leaders Kabaitheban and Mohilan who were sniped while going to the toilet in the Wanni.
Lt. Col Kabaitheban (CODENAME: Loose Lips) was a brave Donkey of Eelam, he has fought for our Thalaivar for almost 2 Decades, starting off as a lowly child Soldier, he made his way up to Child Soldeir who guarded Thalaivar’s Bunker #14 in Mullaithivu then was promoted to Thalaivar Bed Fluffer and then finally to the rank of LTTE Cadre on his 17th birthday.
He has then since worked his way up to Lieutenant after he successfully slaughters a village full of hapless Sinhalese villagers in the East. For his brave and Noble task of cleansing Eelam of Sinhaloid vermin he was promoted to the rank of Lt Colonel in the spring of 2007. Unfortunately his promotion did not last long as one day as he rolled around in the Sandy Soils of Eelam to rid himself of his body lice and fleas, he was viciously sniped in his backside by a Sinhala Sniper DPU team. He lay bleeding from his arse for 4 hours before he finally expired.
Lt. Col. Mohilan (CODENAME: The Hoover) had a similar story about his rise to prominence. Just like Thalaivar he was a die hard follower of the LTTE ideology, abstaining from sexual intercourse with women, and only giving discreet Battlefield Relief fellatio to fellow cadres as they lay together in their Bunkers and trenches.
In fact Lt. Col. Mohilan was not a good fighter per say, but his promotions through the ranks had been in his ability to boost the moral of his fellow Cadres by providing much needed steam release. Being able to suck off his fellow men at the drop of a hat was what Lt. Col. Mohilan was famous for – he could suck a Golf ball through a Garden hose. Many LTTE Cadres put in requests to join his unit after word got around about his deep throat abilities.
Usually after a hard day slaughtering Sinhalese villagers and ethnically cleansing Eelam of Traitor and other Undesirable Non-Tamils the Cadres would all line up to meet Lt. Col. Mohilan to receive their daily relief. Then one day while on his knees privoding pressure relief to his Commanding officer a Sinhala Sniper team shot him through the head and killed Mohilan on the spot.
It was later confirmed through Intercepted SLA communications that that the Sinhala Sniper team was actually targeting Mohilan’s Commanding officer but unfortunately as his head was ass height the bullet ended up hitting Mohilan. The good news is that the Commanding officer was saved from being shot in the arse because Lt. Col. Mohilan’s head got in the way of the bullet. The commanding officer only suffered a few Teeth marks on his 2 inch Eelam sausage but other than that he was fine.
RIP Brave Donkeys of Eelam. Your Sacrifice will not be forgotten…