[TamilNet, Saturday, 06 September 2008, 01:00 GMT]
An Eelam Reporter, J.S. Tissainayagam, who went missing about 100 days ago has now been feared to have undergone SPONTANEOUS CHINKIFICATION.J.S. Tissainayagam, who has been a loyal friend of Eelam, but living in the Heart of the Racist Capital, has been very engaged in FICTION WRITING.
At the beginning of the year he was engaged in a very large project to launch a FICTION PAPER that would be enjoyed by Western Audiences all over the World. Unfortunately the long hours in the office had forced Tissainayagam to eat excessive amounts of Chinese Take away food and thus expose himself to Too Much MSG. Tell tales signs of SPONTANEOUS CHINKIFICATION had started to surface, however, despite the signs J.S. Tissainayagam had ignored the warnings, including that of his wife who had complained that his penis had begun to shrink down to 2 inches and become a little yellow in color.
TamilNet has learned that he is most probably in TID Custody in their special Rare Disease and Ailments wing undergoing observation for possible outbursts of SPONTANEOUS CHINKIFICATION
The affliction is rare but has been increasingly frequent in the past couple of years when the Consumption of MSG combined with FICTION WRITING have been on the rise.
Nobody knows yet the true cause of SPONTANEOUS CHINKIFICATION and currently No Cure Exists for such an ailment. What remains clear that the combination of Writing FICTION and consuming too much MSG does in fact drastically increase a person’s chance of Experiencing SPONTANEOUS CHINKIFICATION.
Doctors have also been concerned that the combination of writing FICTION is a linking Factor in the onset of SPONTANEOUS CHINKIFICATION, hence the reason why Journalists in Sri Lanka seem to be in the Highest Risk Category and most affected by this horrible affliction. They have however not ruled out SPEAKING FICTION, thus they caution those who engage in ANY SORT of Fiction medium including SPOKEN FICTION that the Risks of such an outbreak are high.
Specifically they are concerned with Parliamentarians as there is a lot of SPOKEN FICTION that goes on in the Sri Lankan Parliament, especially from those Parliamentarians who hail from the North. The High VOLUME of SPOKEN Fiction has Doctors and Scientists worried that these people may be in a High Risk category of Contracting SPONTANEOUS CHINKIFICATION.
TID have quarantined off SPONTANEOUS CHINKIFICATION victims as Standard Operating Procedure (STOP) in order to prevent the further spread of the Disease to other Journalists and Fiction Writers.