[TamilNet, Tuesday, 29 July 2008, 01:00 GMT]
The Saga Continues from the previous adventure of our heroes.
Back to Shri Ellalan
After a refreshing holiday at home and, ahem, on the beaches, it was time for little Velu to return to Shri Ellalan, scene of his famous adventure with the Philosopher’s Left Nut. His parents dropped him off at the bullock cart station where the young Sun God, to his joy, met up with his friends Balasingham and Tamilselvan. The three of them excitedly got into one of the white bullock carts, put up a sign that said If the cart’s rocking, don’t bother knocking and seriously enjoyed the journey back to school in their rocking white bullock cart, making a merry mess inside.
Something’s out of the Closet
Early school days were uneventful, except that Velu had a new social studies teacher to replace Professor Quirrunathan, who you will remember got a little too friendly with the wrong end of Headmaster Albushanthan Dumbledoram’s AK-47 (and not in the good way either). The new teacher was Professor Gilderam Lockeratnam, a stout gay rights activist who had written many books about the struggles he had faced in his many fruitless attempts to get the homophobic GoSL to recognise gay rights in Sri Lanka.
‘Now children’, he began gravely, ‘it is my job to make sure you become well-educated little girls and boys.’ At that, he suddenly broke out in song, ‘BOYS! SWEEEET LITTLE BOYS! LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!’ he sang in a high-pitched voice, spreading his arms wide like a butterfly.
After a couple of weeks, our heroes noticed that a few of their male friends had changed in a certain way. They no longer came to play with them and their gerbils but would spend their spare time chasing the female students of Shri Ellalan! They had tragically turned STRAIGHT! The astute Bala realised that it was only the boys from the East who were turning straight, a fact which alarmed him no end since he too was a filthy low-breed Eastern Tamil. Headmaster Dumbledoram eventually called an assembly at the Great Hall.
‘My dear children, I have some serious news for you’, he warned. ‘The accursed Closet of Secrets has been opened. Its effects strike at random around the school. We superior northern Tamils are impervious to it, but any low-caste Eastern Tamil boy who gets affected by this curse will start preferring girls! Do take care, boys!’
That was the cue: from the corner where the staff were sitting rang Professor Lockeratnam’s glorious falsetto, ‘LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!’
‘That will do, Gilderam, that will do. Now sit down, please’, said Dumbledoram, raising his hand and calming him down somewhat. ‘The curse’, he continued, ‘can only have been set loose by the Heir of Salazanathan Slytheram. Slytheram attended this school 30000 years ago (yes, we Tamils were here way before those Sinhaloids).
Anyway, he didn’t like inferior Eastern Tamil kids learning in this fine institution, so he contracted a local carpenter to build the Closet with a view to sending them back home. Through the use of Brahmin spells, he persuaded the Kataragama gods to propagate the curse. Thankfully, it doesn’t affect any Eastern girls but boys will be harmed!
It is with deep sadness that I announce that all Quidick games are therefore cancelled until this problem is resolved. I cannot even begin to tell you what would happen if a Quidick player suddenly got affected by the curse in the middle of a game! I urge you to be careful until we find the Heir and get the curse lifted!’ he warned, giving a mysterious wink in the direction of the staff.
The Heir of Slytheram?
One night, as Velu and his two friends were heading back to their dorm after a particularly satisfying walk in the park (nudge nudge), they heard the sound of footsteps on the far side of the dimly lit hallway. Bala was so terrified he jumped into Selvan’s arms, whimpering that it was the curse out to get him.
Selvan carried him off to their dorm to calm him down with his dildo wand and a gal arrack, teetering from side to side due to Bala’s weight and occasionally bumping into the walls violently. The intrigued Velu heroically went forth to investigate the room where the sound came from. It was quite dark in that section of the hall and Velu felt rather apprehensive.
From inside the room, he heard Professor Snaapalingam’s voice inquiring casually, ‘Is that a gerbil in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?’
‘Both’, came Professor Dumbledoram’s voice in reply! There was a loud bang as a mysterious door inside the room shut and then some muffled noises came from inside.
Velu entered the dark room and saw a huge closet in the corner. Its doors were closed but he could hear the noises coming from inside it. The doors thumped and banged a great deal as if someone was repeatedly hammering it from inside. Could it be He Who Cannot Be Named, or could it be something far more sinister?
Velu plucked up his courage, opened the door and…oh what a scene! Oh what a glorious spectacle! Oh glory, glory be! Inside were Headmaster Dumbledoram and Professor Snaapalingam, both utterly and completely nak*d! Snaapalinam was on his knees, vigorously sucking Dumbledoram’s cock while pleasuring himself with his left hand, his right hand playfully twirling around the headmaster’s great beard.
Dumbledoram himself was bending forward over Snaapalingam and pumping a dazed gerbil in and out of Severam’s lubricated butt with great gusto, his super-long tongue hanging out of his mouth in excitement. On seeing the elated look on Velu’s face, he hurriedly stuffed the gerbil deep inside Snaapalingam’s rectum, causing him to gaggle and choke on the delightful treat he was savouring.
‘Oh Velu…haha…my dear boy…hoho…mmm…’ stuttered Dumbledoram, as red as a beetroot.
Snaapalingam was still chocking on cock, the ‘cream of Albushanthan’ flowing from the edges of his mouth. ‘Ga?’ he gasped, turning his eyes towards Velu. Suddenly, out popped the gerbil’s head from his anus. ‘Squeak?’ It wriggled out of the orifice and ran off into the shadows of the hall, squeaking in panic and leaving a trail of lube behind. Snaapalingam gagged in surprised at that premature anal discharge and coughed Dumbledoram’s pen*s out of his mouth. He lay on the floor, panting.
‘Hmmm….well, this is embarrassing,’ mumbled Albushanthan, twiddling his fingers and standing there in all his glory, looking like a perfect goose.
‘It is…huff…a trifle…puff…isn’t it?’ said Severam, recovering his breath, ‘Well, we had better get going then. And Velu, you better scoot off to bed too.’
The two scholars came out of the closet, hurriedly wiped themselves clean with tissues, put their clothes back on properly and ran hand-in-hand down the hall with their bottle of lube, giggling like two little schoolboys. Velu was left with an almighty boner.
‘So you’re the Heir of Slytheram!?’ came a voice from behind him. Thillaiyampalam Sivanesan aka Soosai the boat-builder! H
e had been watching Velu all along! ‘You opened the Closet and set the curse loose! I’m telling everybody!’ he said, running away.
It wasn’t long before the whole school had heard the false story and Velu got some very dark looks from most of his schoolmates, though Selvan and Bala steadfastly stood by his side through thick and thin. He was really pissed off with Soosai now and promised himself that he’ll blow up Soosai in his boat one fine day.
Eric- and a great tragedy
An exchange student arrived at Shri Ellalan Vidyalayam a few days later. His name was Eric Solheim and he was from Norway. He was put into Gryffindoram house. Velu and the gang instantly made great friends with Eric and showed him around the place. Young Thalaivar told Eric about the Closet of Secrets, which excited him greatly.
‘Ooh! A closet!’ he gushed in a thick, sing-song Norwegian accent, ‘Vun of my uncles in Austria locked me up in vun for 5 years! Ve had so much fun in there until the nasty police came and took him avay. I vant to see this!’
So it was that, one fine day, S.P. Tamilselvan opened the Closet to find the future leader of the sole representatives® of the Tamil people and little Eric having a wonderful time in there, with Eric on his knees sucking the young Thalaivar’s dainty little cock. Eric was also jamming a lubricated gerbil in and out of Velu’s non-virgin ass, giving him the full works!
When Tamilselvan saw this, his eyes lit up and he said to himself, ‘I too would like to get it up there by the ultra-f*ckable Eric Solheim. Yes, right up there where it hurts the best’, and joined in the fun. And oh what fun it was! Oh beauty and ravishment! Oh joy and ecstasy! Oh Hiroshima and Nagasaki! Velu was magnificent! Tamilselvan was magnificent! Eric was magnificent! They all were magnificent!
Suddenly the door opened and Anton peeped in. The three of them expected him to jump in too, but SHOCK AND AWE! He screamed in terror and ran away!!! The three friends in the closet stared at him in disbelief. What could be wrong with their Bala? They came out of the closet and scampered after Bala to see what the matter was with him.
The fact that they were nak*d didn’t bother the 3 boys one bit. They ran to the school grounds in the nude and oh good lord! No! NOOOO! Under a tree was Bala, butt-nak*d, thoroughly enjoying the mysterious pleasures of a very fat female companion! He too had been struck down by the curse of the Closet of Secrets! His 3 friends were heart-broken. It was a mistake of nature, a catastrophe. In fact, as Bala himself would have said, it was a great tragedy.
It was high time the boys found the Heir of Slytheram and closed that damn Closet. They decided to act.
Getting to the bottom of it
That night, the three hid in the shadows of the room which housed the vile Closet of Secrets. Eric excused himself and ran off into the bushes for a quick piss. On his way back in the dark, he clumsily bumped into Professor Lockeratnam who was taking a midnight stroll.
‘A BOY! A WHITE LITTLE BOY! LAAAAAAAAAA!’ screamed the scholar in delight.
‘Oh fvuck! Not now!’ said Eric and ran to his friends, leading the excited professor straight to Velu and Tamilselvan.
‘BOYS! BROWN LITTLE BOYS! LAAAA LA LA LAA LAAAAAAAAAA!’, Lockratnam yelled. He was now so horny his erect manhood came tearing out of his sarong, underwear and all.
Tamilselvan most courageously offered himself as a distraction and ran out of the room with Eric, leading the drooling Professor Lockeratnam away from Velu.
Now our Sun God was hiding alone with the Closet. All was quiet when suddenly he heard footsteps outside. The door to the room creaked open and lo and behold! Little Pottu Amman entered! Velu noticed that his eyes were glazed and he walked around as if he was in a trance. He strode up to the Closet, stood in front of it and muttered a spell in Sinhalese, ‘Onnring kattu kattu!’ The Closet door opened and an effervescent orb of bright blue light floated out of it and flew out into the hallway.
From one of the dorms, a male voice was heard screaming, ‘AAAAAARGH! GET YOUR COCK OUT OF THERE! I DON’T LIKE IT ANY MORE! NOOOOOOOOOO!’ The confounded curse had struck down yet another low-caste Eastern Tamil student, and apparently at the worst time possible! Velu couldn’t stand it anymore and stepped out of the shadows to confront Pottu.
Victory!
‘Oi, thambi! What are you doing?’ he challenged.
Pottu Amman slowly turned and looked at him with glassy eyes. He ominously muttered another spell, ‘Sinhaya gone tik tik tik!’ Out of the closet jumped a lion! The majestic king of the beasts looked at the young Thalaivar and licked its chops. Poor Velu crapped his pants and stood rooted to the spot, shivering in terror. He knew his end had come.
Suddenly, the room’s door flung open and there stood…GUNTER!
‘Gü…Günter anna?’ gasped a shocked Velu. He almost didn’t recognize the sexy German because he was actually wearing clothes this time.
‘Ja! Quick, take disch!’ said Günter. He put his hand deep inside his rectum and retrieved something which he threw at Velu.
Velu caught the object and saw that it was a magnificent dildo, replete with studs et al.
‘It isch der legendary dildo of Godrikaran Gryffindoram…’ began Günter, but the lion suddenly pounced at Velu and pinned him to the ground with a thundering roar!
‘NEIN!’ screamed Günter, hopping about with his hands on his head in panic. ‘Make der lion zwallow der dildo! QUICKLY, JA!’
The fearless Sun God somehow stuffed the dildo down the lion’s throat. The creature, being averse to gay dildos by nature, gagged and choked. Then a most wonderful thing happened: small white orbs appeared out of nowhere and spun round and round the lion, faster and faster until POOF! The animal vanished into thin air! Pottu Amman collapsed to the ground in a heap.
Headmaster Albushanthan Dumbledoram came rushing along in his pyjamas and he immediately understood what had happened. ‘Oh thank goodness it’s over! You did a great job, Velu. You too, Günter, my faithful servant.’
Pottu Amman slowly regained consciousness. ‘Wh…what happened?’ he stammered.
‘It seems that you’re the Heir of Slytheram!’ explained Professor Albushanthan. ‘It’s not your fault. I’m afraid He Who Cannot Be Named somehow managed to get a hold of the Brahmin rituals used by Slytheram to get the Kataragama gods to unleash the curse, and the gods chose you as their human agent since you are Slytheram’s heir. But it’s over now, and I doubt it will happen again. And Velu, yes, Günter is my servant. Your uncle Mottapan wanted us to give you that Jumbo DHL package and there was no one I trusted more than Günter to give it to you. By the way, don’t you think you should put on a new pair of shorts?’
End of year orgy
That end of year orgy was a glorious affair. All the victims of the curse had recovered and there was merry-ma
king aplenty. Gryffindoram again took the House Championship thanks to the exploits of Velu and his friends. Sadly, it was Eric’s last day at Shri Ellalan and he would be taking a white Norse longboat back to Norway that evening, but he promised his 3 friends that he would meet up with them again if fate permitted.
Despite he and Selvan having a sore arse thanks to their heroic antics distracting Professor Lockeratnam, he grabbed Bala and said mischievously, ‘You and I havv some unfinished beesness!’ He dived under the table with Bala and Velu and Selvan also jumped in. They would make love, sweet love, until all their tanks were empty. Oh, what a marvellous year it was for Potta Velu and his friends!
A Report by Elara®