[TamilNet, Sunday, 06 April 2008, 03:00 GMT]
A TamilNet Science Edition: Sri Lankan Army almost destroyed by LTTE.
Taking hi-tech warfare to new heights, the peerless scientists of Tamil Eelam have unveiled their latest weapon: a brand new laser-guided lightning system. Generated by the Great Sun God Himself. The target for the inaugural strike was a camp of the racist homophobic Sinhala army in Minneriya.
In what was a stunningly successful attack, 400 soldiers were killed and 5900 received injuries, throwing the entire racist GoSL’s northern offensive into total disarray. LTTE spies within military circles report to Tamilnet that mass panic now ensues in SLA camps whenever a single droplet of rain so much as falls down on the ground.
‘This has been a fabulous success! The racist homophobic GoSL’s artillery and jets may only destroy our forests and kill our cattle and goats, but our lightning guidance system has had more success than all that put together!’ said a senior Tamil Eelam scientists from his lab.
In celebration of this famous success, the great Thalaivar himself hosted an all-you-can-suck orgy in his bunker for the Tamil Eelam scientists. Tamilnet hears that the occasion was ‘a real blast!’
Furthermore the LTTE leader V. Prabhakaran, commonly known to his followers as the Supreme Sun God will now able to add lightning to his “God Powers”. Currently the Sun God has many powers but they are non-traditional. Powers such as Time Teleportation have confused many hard core Eelamists as it involves a lot of Technological and Scientific “blah blah” and they have so far being unable to comprehend those. However they will now be able to identify this new lightning power as many Indian comic books such as the Ramayana graphically describe these kinds of powers.
According to one scientist the lightning will be generated purely on the energy generated by the LTTE leader when he is screening new recruits for LTTE Pink Tiger Division. In fact Thalaivar’s moans of ecstasy will be converted to lightning with super secret Eelam technology. “Tamil ingenuity knows no bounds!” the scientist exclaimed. “What has been imagined has now been realized. This is Eelam efficiency at its best.”
Many observers in Sri Lanka have attributed the recent increase in thunder storms and lightning strikes due to the fact that a new screening of carders for the Pink Tigers is now taking place in Vanni.