[TamilNet, Wednesday, 23 April 2008, 00:05 GMT]
Remembered by the Great White Fiery Tigress and Part-time John Cleese Impersonator, Adele Balasingham
Some called him a sock puppet for Prabharkaran, others called him a Schill, who basically wasted the time of negotiations to help the LTTE regroup and re-arm, but all these people were not seeing the True Anton Balasingham. The man I like to call my cuddly little Tiger.
His Beginnings
Anton had very humble beginnings, he was a man from the street, his inspiration for Eelam came from the Street. Many a night he spent face down in the gutters and back alleyways of Tooting Broadway and Tooting Beck, usually after finishing off 3 Bottles of GAL Arrack, or if he was lucky V.S.O.A (Very Special Old Arrack) which was increasingly hard to find since he was an out of work 2nd RATE Marxist writer who was not able to spell properly or write legibly.
Our Marriage
Because Anton’s penis was so small that his first Tamil wife preferred fingering herself with her little finger than to allow his booze-soaked, whiskey dick anywhere near her, their marriage needless to say did not last long. She ran off with Buff 9 inch hung Negro (claiming she was dead) and thus Anton was left by himself to booze it up and forget his sorrows in a bottle.
It was after a particularly heavy night of hitting the bottle that Fate would have Anton land himself into the Emergency ward where I worked. He looked so cute on the Stretcher! Drool trickled down his face, and the odor of stale vomit and fresh urine tingled my naughty bits like I had never experienced before. Right then and there I fell in love with my little cuddly Tiger cub of Eelam.
After his stomach was pumped and his fecal matter that caked his butt cheeks was removed I asked him out on a date… The rest is History.
Relationship with Thalaivar
Originally a man from Batticaloa, he was an Eastern Tamil and thus knew his place (second to Jaffna Tamils) unlike that Traitorous Tamil Turncoat Karuna Amman who thought he could be equal with A Higher caste Jaffna Tamil like Thalaivar… Anton was a loyal follower (As every Tamil Should be) to Thalaivar. He served to utter Thalaivar’s exact words without deviation. In a conflict such as this it was best that Tamils did not have thoughts of their own and thus following Thalaivar’s exact words without question is of utmost importance! Thalaivar and Anton were like Brothers, … well at least those type of ‘Brothers’ you have in a maximum security prison who take it turns inserting their arms elbow deep into each others rectums to look for buried treasure…those are the type of brothers I am referring to.
Thalaivar was quoted in saying at Bala’s funeral:
“The Hand Warmer of my right arm is no more, there is no Bala with me today to insert my arm inside and keep cozy till the morning in my cold dark bunker. His death comes at a time when I needed his warm moist rectal cavity the most, as our freedom struggle intensifies. I cannot find words to express my grief and loss.”
Difficulty Achieving Eelam
Due to his excessive drinking and the fact that I look like a Man, Anton and I were never very sexually intimate. During sex I sometimes had a hard time knowing if he was even inside me since his Little Eelam wiener was so narrow it felt like a toothpick in the Grand Canyon…. And most time he was not even able to get hard due to the high quantities of GAL Arrack that he consumed nightly. In fact the only rare occasions he ever did get hard was when Thalaivar explored his rectal cavity with his arm and when I allowed Anton to wear my Tiger Panties. Other than that he was a complete dud in the bed. I was forced to buy a vibrator to keep myself aroused and to keep my cooch cobweb free. It was sad I know, but that was the price I had to pay to be married to the Great Negotiator of the LTTE.
His Death
Unfortunately the Drinking finally caught up to Anton. He was diagnosed with Chronic Short-Dick- induced Alcoholism which leads to Liver cirrhosis and incontinence. He then developed Bile Duct cancer which finally led to his demise. My Poor Tiger bear expired on December 14th, 2006. His funeral was held at Alexander Place in North London and was attended by all the other Eurpoean Non-Terrorist supporting Tamil Diaspora. It was a Grand event and paid in full by the generous ‘voluntary’ donations of the Tamil Diaspora.
Resurrection
Not quite sure when this is going to happen, but I am told by our Thalaivar that it will happen on or
around the same time Eelam will be achieved so I can assure you that it will be quite soon. Also the manner in which he will rise is outlined in my Book so please buy a copy and see all the Juicy tales of 100% truth about our life’s work helping the Tamil People and securing their prosperity and freedom for the past 20 years. I am proud to say that all those wonderful Birds of Freedom who willingly gave their insignificant lives to a cause greater than their comprehension will not have died in vain.
My Book
I will be touring Australia on my Book tour – to promote the truth about Eelam and show the world how we Non-Terrorists fought bravely against the Racist Sinhala Government and their stupid lazy people. All proceeds of the Book sales will go to:
The Adele Balasingham Foundation for the Helping of Adele (me) Travel the world on Cruise Ships, sipping Margaritas, playing baccarat, sleeping with greasy cabana boys and Smooth Bar Stewards, and basically living a cushy lifestyle off the Royalties of the Rights to sell my impotent Husband’s Story. (A worthy cause)
Please buy it now.
See Also: